Anger management

Let's face it, every so often I find myself so incredibly angry for no apparent reason. It just happens. Instead of throwing away the tapes my mother used telling me I could not ever GET angry, I resort to inappropriate angry verbiage. I rant, I rave and I am indignant. Do not stuff your anger, they say, let it out! When I do it hurts my BP, my heart and those closest to me. There is nothing that makes me feel more out of control than when this defiant and persistent feeling overcomes me and I lash out at people. WHY? And how can I stop?

I already know I have a problem with confrontation issues. Hate it, so it is easier to slip it in as some would call it passive aggressively. I do not consider myself P-A anymore than I do a diabetic, which I am, but curiously my reasoning seems to fit the mold. P-A does not like confrontation, it is easier to get back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on. Spending so much time in my intellect it seems to be a rational way of dealing with the issue. But of course, it is not. How does someone change a pattern that has been embedded in ones psyche for over 50 years? This is the dilemma.

I am just angry thinking about it at this point. As it seems whenever I do get angry it is uncontrolled anger and makes people respond to me with righteous indignation. It is not right to stuff it down, not right to let it out, and not right to blame on the past conditioning. In short, it is something that needs to be made aright. I once tried to go through assertiveness training, and instead of being aggressive, I would work instead on assertiveness. Fine line if you ask me.

I am aware that my anger serves no one, especially myself. What I am, is what I see. I am that. There is nothing but peace. Only what brings me joy and peace is my experience.

I need a few years to take these affirmations into myself and work through the issue. I makes me angry. Step one. Work on that anger first.