Let's face it, every so often I find myself so incredibly angry for no apparent reason. It just happens. Instead of throwing away the tapes my mother used telling me I could not ever GET angry, I resort to inappropriate angry verbiage. I rant, I rave and I am indignant. Do not stuff your anger, they say, let it out! When I do it hurts my BP, my heart and those closest to me. There is nothing that makes me feel more out of control than when this defiant and persistent feeling overcomes me and I lash out at people. WHY? And how can I stop?
I already know I have a problem with confrontation issues. Hate it, so it is easier to slip it in as some would call it passive aggressively. I do not consider myself P-A anymore than I do a diabetic, which I am, but curiously my reasoning seems to fit the mold. P-A does not like confrontation, it is easier to get back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on. Spending so much time in my intellect it seems to be a rational way of dealing with the issue. But of course, it is not. How does someone change a pattern that has been embedded in ones psyche for over 50 years? This is the dilemma.
I am just angry thinking about it at this point. As it seems whenever I do get angry it is uncontrolled anger and makes people respond to me with righteous indignation. It is not right to stuff it down, not right to let it out, and not right to blame on the past conditioning. In short, it is something that needs to be made aright. I once tried to go through assertiveness training, and instead of being aggressive, I would work instead on assertiveness. Fine line if you ask me.
I am aware that my anger serves no one, especially myself. What I am, is what I see. I am that. There is nothing but peace. Only what brings me joy and peace is my experience.
I need a few years to take these affirmations into myself and work through the issue. I makes me angry. Step one. Work on that anger first.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, September 7, 2007
Joy!
I love the word joy. It is a word that seems to bring to mind the very act of living in divine harmony with the universe. A student of mine in class today has the benefit of being named Joy. How great is that? She can truly live in Joy 24/7! There is a sense of wonder in having a name that resonates so beautifully to happiness and peace.
Here are some definitions of joy:
The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation, a state of happiness or felicity.
What could be more satisfying than living a joyful life? And why is it that we do not do this more often? We tend to lament about the awful things, the bad experiences, and what is missing, instead of living in joy.
Animals really show us a state of blissful joy when they wag their tails and offer us their soft heads to pet and stroke. They know how to live with joy in every moment. There is no tomorrow, no deadlines , no irritating relative they must deal with at the holidays!
I offer my gratitude for having witnessed the expression of joy inherent in the faces of children laughing with delight, or a grandmother upon seeing the faces of her grandchildren at the door.
Joy can be chosen at every moment.
Ah to be lucky enough to say your name is one of Joy!
Here are some definitions of joy:
The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation, a state of happiness or felicity.
What could be more satisfying than living a joyful life? And why is it that we do not do this more often? We tend to lament about the awful things, the bad experiences, and what is missing, instead of living in joy.
Animals really show us a state of blissful joy when they wag their tails and offer us their soft heads to pet and stroke. They know how to live with joy in every moment. There is no tomorrow, no deadlines , no irritating relative they must deal with at the holidays!
I offer my gratitude for having witnessed the expression of joy inherent in the faces of children laughing with delight, or a grandmother upon seeing the faces of her grandchildren at the door.
Joy can be chosen at every moment.
Ah to be lucky enough to say your name is one of Joy!
Monday, September 3, 2007
Would you be prepared?
At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, I am going to bring up a question that was also queried by friend Taj on her Zaadz blog. It is not posted to inspire FEAR, or elicit people to ask me to not focus on manifesting this in our lives. I am not trying to manifest anything but good in the lives of all of us. This threat is a very real thing, and we all need to be prepared and have a plan.I am not a fan of the media and their scare tactics. Red, Orange alerts! Biological warfare, etc. I am however realistic. I lived in a time of the atomic bomb scares of the 1960's and the nuclear war possibilities of later times, including now.We live in troubled times. I had written a blog several days ago about fear or prudent thinking, with the banks collapsing and mortgage industry undergoing problems. There is also a vey real possibility we will face terrorist attacks in our cities, and these will affect transportation, our water supply and other vital things we take for granted in our world.Tell me to stop thinking about this very real possibility as I am manifesting my reality…sorry, I am going to prepare myself as have for over 17 years now, in case of catastrophe.For instance, do you have any cash available stashed that it not in a bank. ATM's may not work in times of trouble. Do you also have anything you can barter, like silver or jewels? Do you have a good stock of canned goods in the pantry? How about water, a good medicine kit, batteries, candles, matches, and other items you might need if there were a hurricane?Do you have an evacuation plan, a safe place to meet, a way to contact relatives? If you realize that people have left home one morning and died on the way to work, can you see we all need some sort of planning, even though it may not fit every scenario?A friend of mine refused to talk about what she wanted in the event of her death as she was too young and did not want to “think about that stuff”. When she died everything wound up tied up and her kids fought and fought about what it is she would want. Writing a will would have taken care of it.As to the spiritual side of a disaster occuring, I believe we are meant to be whereever we are when something happens and there will be a great need for people who live simply and have undergone previous hardships to help the others who will be unable to cope with life as they find it. If there is no gasoline, there will be no fresh food, for instance.Without being a doom and gloomer I do believe Taj's blog and this one are important to remind us that we cannot remain complacent. Some say we are overdue for such tragedies. I certainly hope this never happens, but I want to be prepared in case it should occur. At least have the things I need for several weeks (if not months) to get through the times.To remain ignorant due to fear, or to believe fear inspires me to write this is plain nonsense. It is empowerment and an opportunity to prepare oneself in the event of swift life altering events.Loving light and empowering discernment to all!Aley
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Stars in Maine
After midnight. Starlight. Never before have I seen so many stars. Living in a metropolitan area disconnects you from father sky. So many artificial lights, you can rarely see the even the moon at times.
August 21, 2007, Camden Hills State Park, Maine. Cool, maybe 50 degrees tops. Sleeping in a tent close to the earth mother, and sitting under a bed of stars…I am drawn to a group of them and later am told they are the Pleides. They cluster together and hum. There is serenity and joy in this extraordinary moment. Awash in scintillating beauty, luminescent orbs connecting me to the heavens. Where have the stars been? Lost in a sea of Edison’s manifestation of energy!
Who am I but a tiny glimmer of shadow lost in a sea of humanity. Light dim by comparison. Hush, listen to the quiet. There is none by the spirit in me that sees the munificent beauty of the now moment. I speak a silent prayer to the ancestors, who by their now choices, bring me to mine.
Why do we seek the solace of nature to find a reconnection, a grounding to the source? There is a resonance to the land, one that calls and asks us to see that which we do not connect to in daily communion.
I turn, sad to leave the blanket of stars offering me a glimpse of the universe in a single view. My gratitude uplifts me and in silence I remain curious. The world spins on, and time moves into the bountiful new now.
August 21, 2007, Camden Hills State Park, Maine. Cool, maybe 50 degrees tops. Sleeping in a tent close to the earth mother, and sitting under a bed of stars…I am drawn to a group of them and later am told they are the Pleides. They cluster together and hum. There is serenity and joy in this extraordinary moment. Awash in scintillating beauty, luminescent orbs connecting me to the heavens. Where have the stars been? Lost in a sea of Edison’s manifestation of energy!
Who am I but a tiny glimmer of shadow lost in a sea of humanity. Light dim by comparison. Hush, listen to the quiet. There is none by the spirit in me that sees the munificent beauty of the now moment. I speak a silent prayer to the ancestors, who by their now choices, bring me to mine.
Why do we seek the solace of nature to find a reconnection, a grounding to the source? There is a resonance to the land, one that calls and asks us to see that which we do not connect to in daily communion.
I turn, sad to leave the blanket of stars offering me a glimpse of the universe in a single view. My gratitude uplifts me and in silence I remain curious. The world spins on, and time moves into the bountiful new now.
Fear or Prudent Thinking?
Fear vs being prudent.
Where is the fine line between appearing “sky is falling” fearful and discerning prudence? For example, if there is a car careening toward you down the road, do you move out of the way, or say to yourself: “I am not afraid that car will hit me!”
Right now, for instance, the financial markets and stock exchange are going haywire all over the world. Some analysts say we are in the worst decline since the crash of 1929. The mortgage markets are liquidating, just ask some people here who work in the industry how many people have lost their jobs. True, these things are cyclic…but do we also ignore information because to listen would have us live in perceived fear?
I think there is too much judgment by others claiming people live in fear. When others show a lack of diligence as to what it is they choose to show concern for because they think: “it cannot affect me”, I become a bit frustrated. I had a friend lose $100K in her 401K account a few years ago because she chose to ignore the “car careening”(market plunge) toward her. There needs to be some kind of balance between all out fear, and taking the time to investigate the changes.
True, all things change. But why is it humans have the propensity to ignore some change and embrace others, often to their detriment? To merely state: “things change” when information is provided to the contrary, irks me. My own mother refused to go to a doctor because she wanted to wait until hers returned from vacation, and dropped dead from a heart attack in 1988. Not a wise decision. Her choice, her path but it affected many others. And yet prudence would tell her that f she had arm pain and labored breathing, there might be a good reason to go.
Curiosity brings me to ask others their opinions on this question. My past conditioning was one of fear, then ignorance, but now it is prudence. I cannot control many things in my life, but I do not need to remain in the dark either. Given enough warning, I can move out of the way of a out of control car coming at me!
I’ve also learning by jumping into the fire and believing something would not affect me, only to devastate me later! This has led me to work through my feelings about all things with care to investigate all sides of an issue…especially if given some advance notice!
How can we balance the fear and the prudence?
How can we stop others from judging our way of doing something as wrong or being viewed as alarmist? (A conundrum indeed).
Walking the fine line between Henny Penny” Sky is falling” fear and not being an ostrich with our head in the sand!
By the way…someone compromised our paypal this week to the tune of $475. It is being investigated….
Are we fearful now you ask?
No, just prudently cautious!
Where is the fine line between appearing “sky is falling” fearful and discerning prudence? For example, if there is a car careening toward you down the road, do you move out of the way, or say to yourself: “I am not afraid that car will hit me!”
Right now, for instance, the financial markets and stock exchange are going haywire all over the world. Some analysts say we are in the worst decline since the crash of 1929. The mortgage markets are liquidating, just ask some people here who work in the industry how many people have lost their jobs. True, these things are cyclic…but do we also ignore information because to listen would have us live in perceived fear?
I think there is too much judgment by others claiming people live in fear. When others show a lack of diligence as to what it is they choose to show concern for because they think: “it cannot affect me”, I become a bit frustrated. I had a friend lose $100K in her 401K account a few years ago because she chose to ignore the “car careening”(market plunge) toward her. There needs to be some kind of balance between all out fear, and taking the time to investigate the changes.
True, all things change. But why is it humans have the propensity to ignore some change and embrace others, often to their detriment? To merely state: “things change” when information is provided to the contrary, irks me. My own mother refused to go to a doctor because she wanted to wait until hers returned from vacation, and dropped dead from a heart attack in 1988. Not a wise decision. Her choice, her path but it affected many others. And yet prudence would tell her that f she had arm pain and labored breathing, there might be a good reason to go.
Curiosity brings me to ask others their opinions on this question. My past conditioning was one of fear, then ignorance, but now it is prudence. I cannot control many things in my life, but I do not need to remain in the dark either. Given enough warning, I can move out of the way of a out of control car coming at me!
I’ve also learning by jumping into the fire and believing something would not affect me, only to devastate me later! This has led me to work through my feelings about all things with care to investigate all sides of an issue…especially if given some advance notice!
How can we balance the fear and the prudence?
How can we stop others from judging our way of doing something as wrong or being viewed as alarmist? (A conundrum indeed).
Walking the fine line between Henny Penny” Sky is falling” fear and not being an ostrich with our head in the sand!
By the way…someone compromised our paypal this week to the tune of $475. It is being investigated….
Are we fearful now you ask?
No, just prudently cautious!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Heart Centered Living
I know there are people in the world that do not either understand a heart-centered approach to living, or do not wish to operate from that vantage point. From what I ascertain some people prefer a more integrated scientific approach. All paths to understanding are welcome on the path to learning.
I have considered myself an intellectual for many years and from a societal viewpoint felt this was the equivalent to being intelligent. But I have come to realize spiritual understanding, at least for me, needs to be more heart centered. Those who do not understand this believe it may be “woo-woo” or touchy-feely new age stuff…it really is nothing of the sort! It is the way of wisdom gleaned from teachers over time.
I awakened more to the concept of the difference between intelligence and intellect when reading Hindi mystic Osho’s work explaining the fundamental differences. Science must always utilize logic in order to prove its reasoning, while humanitarian study gives more credence to intuition, sensory perceptions and spiritual ideals.
Intelligence is accessible to anyone, while intellectualism is deemed to be more of a regurgitation of the ideas of others without thought to the ideas of ones self. To discount heart-based intelligence is to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Intellectualizing as a total approach to thinking removes critical analysis based on accumulated life experience.
I do not want to change another’s way of dealing with their learning, as we all need to come to our own conclusions. I do however invite others to be open more to possibility rather than needing to find evidence from some book or source to prove something. If the ideas do not resonate, so be it. But allowing oneself to be open to the ideas and a more intuitive way of approaching them, provides another opportunity for growth on the paths we are traveling on the roads of our lives.
I have considered myself an intellectual for many years and from a societal viewpoint felt this was the equivalent to being intelligent. But I have come to realize spiritual understanding, at least for me, needs to be more heart centered. Those who do not understand this believe it may be “woo-woo” or touchy-feely new age stuff…it really is nothing of the sort! It is the way of wisdom gleaned from teachers over time.
I awakened more to the concept of the difference between intelligence and intellect when reading Hindi mystic Osho’s work explaining the fundamental differences. Science must always utilize logic in order to prove its reasoning, while humanitarian study gives more credence to intuition, sensory perceptions and spiritual ideals.
Intelligence is accessible to anyone, while intellectualism is deemed to be more of a regurgitation of the ideas of others without thought to the ideas of ones self. To discount heart-based intelligence is to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Intellectualizing as a total approach to thinking removes critical analysis based on accumulated life experience.
I do not want to change another’s way of dealing with their learning, as we all need to come to our own conclusions. I do however invite others to be open more to possibility rather than needing to find evidence from some book or source to prove something. If the ideas do not resonate, so be it. But allowing oneself to be open to the ideas and a more intuitive way of approaching them, provides another opportunity for growth on the paths we are traveling on the roads of our lives.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Finding your own answers
When I was a young person I often would ask my parents or my teachers how to spell a word, or to define the meaning of a word. More often than not, I was admonished to get the dictionary and look it up! This frustrated me to no end because I already had told the grown up I did not know how to spell it! I was then told instructed to sound out the first few letters and go from there to look it up. I would go off in a huff instead and try to find someone else to ask. It was easier to get the answer from someone else!
I went back to college in 1995 to work on my Master’s degree. I had been out of school for many years and was astounded how much easier it was to get information for papers with new technology the world had invented. In my undergraduate years I had to use a library card file and it took hours to find anything of value. Libraries carried “The Readers Guide to Periodicals” to look up old magazines for use as sources and then had to ask the librarian to go get these dusty old resources from the stacks in the cellar of the library. More often than not, the magazine was missing, or did not contain what we thought. The energy expended to get the information by both parties was often unrewarded.
As a graduate student, I was given a plethora of choices to obtain information and tools that made some of the work instantaneous. All around me I heard complaints from younger students that it took too darn long to research anything and that they wanted to be given the information without any work on their part. I on the other and, was in a mystical state, finding the search for the answers almost as interesting as the assignment. I was given the opportunity to make meaning out of not only a research subject, but the process of finding meaning in the construction of the work.
Now, I offer my students the opportunity to construct meaning in their papers by creating meaning in their lives with what they have learned. They are given a free option of choosing a creative piece of work in order to ascertain what reading meant the most to them. Most of the time, they have no idea what to do! I tell them what the guidelines are and then I ask them to: Find it out for yourself. Look it up. Think about it. Figure it out for yourself! Have fun!!!
But…they whine…what if I am WRONG??? We are all conditioned to fear being wrong about anything. We don’t speak up, we fear reaching out, wanting answers instead from well informed experts. We are afraid to access our own intelligence. We want to be told what to do. It is easier that way. Then we do not need to think. We just need to do. We are not responsible then if we are wrong either. That is what we were told what to do after all. In his book: Intelligence, Osho reminds us that we miss utilizing our own selves as a resource in the hurry to get the answer from someone else. We miss out on using our own inborn intelligence because we are obsessed with the idea of right and wrong answers.
I can attest to having been caught up in this way of thinking at times. But honestly most of the times I have come to wrong conclusions or decisions about something have been powerful growth opportunities for me. There is no wrong, there is only learning. After all, if we do not risk trying something we end up staying stagnant in our growth, and we then have things happen “to us” not “by us”, so we must grow one way or another, one as victim, the other as creator!
The internet has made it easy for us to take shortcuts to find answers to things. We don’t have to rely on our own wisdom, we can go to search engines to do the work for us. But we lose a significant part of our life’s mission. To learn and grow with our own minds and thoughts is to attain wisdom. And sharing that knowledge is the key, as long as it is not forced, or with the expectation of leading someone to not come to their own conclusions about how they lead their lives.
The Buddha admonished others to not follow anyone, to be a light unto ones-self. We often get so frustrated because we are in a hurry to enlighten ourselves. We need to finish up one thing or another in order to move onto the next thing: Degrees, jobs, lives. We spend so much time projecting ourselves into the future, we forget to nourish ourselves in the moment. We ARE enlightened already! We have the intelligence to forge our own paths, but we sometimes do not have the courage to use it.
Osho reminds us: “Whenever you forget all about the past and future and the present moment takes possession of you, when you are utterly possessed by the moment, you will feel rejuvenated. Why? The split disappears, the split created by the ideals. You are one in that moment, integrated.”
I have experienced the transcendence of which Osho writes when I have focused only on the now, the today moment. There is an energy in the presence of the present. There is also a release of a need to control anything, and an understanding that control is not possible anyway. Life will be what it will be…all in perfect order.
The Buddha defines wisdom as living in the light of your own consciousness and defines foolishness as following or imitating others, according to Osho. Allow yourself the freedom to choose your own destiny, your own responses and integration of your own intelligent wisdom to define what your life will manifest. And be the light unto yourself in your own world.
I went back to college in 1995 to work on my Master’s degree. I had been out of school for many years and was astounded how much easier it was to get information for papers with new technology the world had invented. In my undergraduate years I had to use a library card file and it took hours to find anything of value. Libraries carried “The Readers Guide to Periodicals” to look up old magazines for use as sources and then had to ask the librarian to go get these dusty old resources from the stacks in the cellar of the library. More often than not, the magazine was missing, or did not contain what we thought. The energy expended to get the information by both parties was often unrewarded.
As a graduate student, I was given a plethora of choices to obtain information and tools that made some of the work instantaneous. All around me I heard complaints from younger students that it took too darn long to research anything and that they wanted to be given the information without any work on their part. I on the other and, was in a mystical state, finding the search for the answers almost as interesting as the assignment. I was given the opportunity to make meaning out of not only a research subject, but the process of finding meaning in the construction of the work.
Now, I offer my students the opportunity to construct meaning in their papers by creating meaning in their lives with what they have learned. They are given a free option of choosing a creative piece of work in order to ascertain what reading meant the most to them. Most of the time, they have no idea what to do! I tell them what the guidelines are and then I ask them to: Find it out for yourself. Look it up. Think about it. Figure it out for yourself! Have fun!!!
But…they whine…what if I am WRONG??? We are all conditioned to fear being wrong about anything. We don’t speak up, we fear reaching out, wanting answers instead from well informed experts. We are afraid to access our own intelligence. We want to be told what to do. It is easier that way. Then we do not need to think. We just need to do. We are not responsible then if we are wrong either. That is what we were told what to do after all. In his book: Intelligence, Osho reminds us that we miss utilizing our own selves as a resource in the hurry to get the answer from someone else. We miss out on using our own inborn intelligence because we are obsessed with the idea of right and wrong answers.
I can attest to having been caught up in this way of thinking at times. But honestly most of the times I have come to wrong conclusions or decisions about something have been powerful growth opportunities for me. There is no wrong, there is only learning. After all, if we do not risk trying something we end up staying stagnant in our growth, and we then have things happen “to us” not “by us”, so we must grow one way or another, one as victim, the other as creator!
The internet has made it easy for us to take shortcuts to find answers to things. We don’t have to rely on our own wisdom, we can go to search engines to do the work for us. But we lose a significant part of our life’s mission. To learn and grow with our own minds and thoughts is to attain wisdom. And sharing that knowledge is the key, as long as it is not forced, or with the expectation of leading someone to not come to their own conclusions about how they lead their lives.
The Buddha admonished others to not follow anyone, to be a light unto ones-self. We often get so frustrated because we are in a hurry to enlighten ourselves. We need to finish up one thing or another in order to move onto the next thing: Degrees, jobs, lives. We spend so much time projecting ourselves into the future, we forget to nourish ourselves in the moment. We ARE enlightened already! We have the intelligence to forge our own paths, but we sometimes do not have the courage to use it.
Osho reminds us: “Whenever you forget all about the past and future and the present moment takes possession of you, when you are utterly possessed by the moment, you will feel rejuvenated. Why? The split disappears, the split created by the ideals. You are one in that moment, integrated.”
I have experienced the transcendence of which Osho writes when I have focused only on the now, the today moment. There is an energy in the presence of the present. There is also a release of a need to control anything, and an understanding that control is not possible anyway. Life will be what it will be…all in perfect order.
The Buddha defines wisdom as living in the light of your own consciousness and defines foolishness as following or imitating others, according to Osho. Allow yourself the freedom to choose your own destiny, your own responses and integration of your own intelligent wisdom to define what your life will manifest. And be the light unto yourself in your own world.
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